She Didn’t Die

She was going to kill herself that day, I found out so I secretly followed her when she stormed out of the room without saying where she was going. We were roommates so I knew something was wrong though she didn’t tell me.

For the past few days, she had been acting weird, really weird. I knew her as an ever-smiling girl, the type you’d love to sit and stare at all day long because her smiles will make you think an angel was thrown down from heaven by mistake. What happened to her smiles? What happened to her mood? Why is she so sad and quiet these days? I kept asking myself.

She’d always come back wearing frowns on her face like makeups, she wouldn’t talk to me unlike before when she’d always scream my name once she enters the gate. Precious!! Roomie is back! That was how she would always scream like someone with mini-madness each time she comes back home from lectures or her part-time work.

I remember asking her what the matter was one of the evenings when she’d always keep mute like I was not there. Gosh! That hurts! It really hurts.
I’m fine Precious, she said. She wouldn’t call me by my name if everything was okay with her, she calls me Roomie. So I started monitoring her movements from that day. I know her phone’s password so I invaded her privacy one night as she was sleeping. I unlocked the phone and noticed her data was turned on, she was chatting before she slept off. She was writing in the diary too!

Diary? I had to check what she was writing in there. So I opened the app, good thing she didn’t lock it with the password, pattern or fingerprint.
I opened the first note and she stretched herself, I almost thought she was going to wake up then catch me going through her phone. Great! She didn’t even open her eyes, she slept on. I decided to take the phone to the kitchen so she wouldn’t turn again and see me sitting on our bed with her phone in my hand.

I took the phone to the kitchen, sat down and started reading her diary.
Date: 20th February 2018
Dear diary,
“Today would be the last day I’d have to write to you. Tomorrow will see the end of me, I’m so fucking tired of this life. Living like this is so hard. I can’t help it anymore. I got something that’d keep my eyes shut forever from the pharmacy today”.
Love,
Ema

Holy shit! What the fuck is happening to my Roomie? I was going to scream, then walk to the bed, drag up to the kitchen and have her explain the nonsense I just read. But on second thought, I decided not to. Did I take her phone without her consent remember?
I decided to check the notes she wrote the other days and I something scarier than the devil.
Date: 15th February 2018
Dear diary,
“Why are these things happening just now? I was so being so stupid when I thought all I needed in life was someone who could love me. Have I not suffered enough? I’ve worked my way through the valleys of difficult times, working part-time to train myself in the university and feed. Giving my whole love to David was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my whole life. Being a final year student, he promised to marry me in a few months to come so I foolishly gave him my all. David has been a wolf in sheepskin. How could he? After everything, I’ve done for him! How could he drug my drink and rape me? It was rape! I always told him I wanted to remain a virgin until marriage. How could he? He even had to tell me it was the devil’s handiwork. To add to my pain, I am 2weeks old pregnant right now and he even asked me to abort the baby! What nonsense? How do I tell my friends that my boyfriend raped me and that he doesn’t want the baby? I can’t even walk the streets with my head above my shoulders. I feel so stupid, broken and messed up. I so much want to end my life now!
It hurts.

Wow! I sighed amidst tears. Such a long note!
I rushed to the room, kept the phone by her side, knelt down and prayed before sleep took hold of me.

The next day being Saturday, Ema woke up around 5 am, brushed her teeth, changed into one of her gowns, took her purse and left without saying a word to me.
Few minutes after she had left, I got up and followed her secretly. At a time she turned back to know whether she was being followed, but she didn’t see anybody behind her so she moved on, now increasing her pace.
She stopped in front of an old building, so old you’d even mistaken it for a shrine.
She looked around before going inside the building, I waited for some minutes before going in. She was about gulping down the rat killer liquid before I stormed in. She was startled.

No Ema! Stop it! Please! I yelled at her.
Why the heck did you follow me here? She screamed, ignoring me, she looked away ready to sip from the devil’s cup.
I ran towards her, threw the bottle down and wow! Everything poured out. Good job! I told myself.

She started hitting me, yelling curses, pleading with me to let her die in peace. I took all the slapping and hitting with tears in my eyes. When she was all calmed, I held her close to my heart, gave her a tight hug, dried her tears and talked sense into her.

How did you follow me here? I invaded your privacy, I’m so sorry about that. I just wasn’t comfortable seeing you sad.

After talking for what seemed like an eternity, she calmed down, had a second thought, promised not to try committing suicide ever again. I took her back to our house, made breakfast and she ate happily. I stayed at home just to make sure she was all right.

She became better with time. The next month, she wrote her final exams at the University. I was very happy her belly wasn’t noticeable by that time.
The following month, she was done with projects and the defense followed immediately.

The next five months I was at home taking care of pregnant Ema.
David disappeared into the thing air because Ema was an orphan who worked her way through hell to survive, she needed to be loved so I gave her love by being a big sister to her though she is a month older than I am. Well, I don’t have a sister so I always act as a big sister to people who need help.

Ema finally gave birth to beautiful LOLA in November 2018. I worked so hard to raise the money for her antenatal and postnatal care, even the one we used to pay the hospital bill when she gave birth.

The good news is this, LOLA has a mother, Ema has a daughter, I have a sister and a niece. I am part of them.
Life is not a bed of roses but we’d make a bed of roses for little LOLA, she’s a blessing, not a curse.
I’m glad Ema loves her baby not to want to lose her.
Ema is alive, she didn’t die.

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